If you thought of marriage being a bed of roses and filled with only happiness, then you might want to re-think it. Marriage is like a thousand different things all at once. It takes hard work to make a marriage work ecspecially in the times we live in. There is good and bad, happiness and sadness, comfort and worry and it can all happen even at the same time!
Once you pass the wonderous honeymoon stage, reality of what you can overcome together becomes real. Then expenses, stress, children, work all become the reality of marriage. You will find that through juggling life with drop off’s, pick up’s, jobs, homework, housework, pets and keeping a home afloat, the love or ‘time’ we spend with one another lessen’s and we forget to talk about the things that actually matter.
A man went into the woods to hunt, but lost his way. For days he wandered in the forest, disorientated and confused, desperately trying to find his way out. He was hopeless.
After some time, he saw another man approaching in the distance. At last, he thought to himself, “a person who knows how to get out of this forest.” When they met, he asked the man, “My brother, can you tell me the way out of this forest? I have been wandering for days, but have been unable to find the way.”
The other fellow answered, “Brother, I do not know the way out either. I, too, have been wandering about these woods for days. Let us journey on together. Perhaps, side by side, we can figure a way out.” The man was no longer hopeless.
Companionship makes our suffering tolerable. A journey faced alone may sometimes seem wonderful, till you face a problem that could have been better solved together. It takes two to drive a marriage smoothly through a bumpy road, one needs to drive and one needs to guide.
Powerful couples are made, when walking towards the same goals. Hand in hand. Heart in heart. Goal in goal. Below are a few topics to start talking about today:
1. Dreams or Goals or both!
Although these are things most couples talk about in their early relationships. Things will change over the years and it is good to get up to speed on you and your partners long term goals/dreams. Planning towards these listed items will keep you tackling goals and keep you spending time together. Wether it is painting your bedroom, running that 10km marathon or even going on that long awaited vacation. Keep your plans in view and stay in tune.
“The great marriages are partnerships. It can’t be a great marriage without being a partnership.” – Helen Mirren
If you can overcome this topic with your partner then the rest seems very easy to follow through with. As human beings we are made to feel insecure and not want the person we love and care to know what our souls fear, for fear of them loosing the care they have for us. I believe talking to your partner about these related feelings, makes a relationship stronger. You are breaking the barrier of distrust and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Your partner will appreciate your honesty.
So talk about the relationship insecurtities, the family problem, the paternal issue, the fight you have or always have. Whatever you feel you need, you should be able to talk to your partner to resolve it or come to a neutral ground. Rather be a lover than a fighter. We are friends before we are partners. Remember this.
“My husband has made me laugh. Wiped my tears. Hugged me tight. Watched me succeed. Seen me fail. Kept me strong. My husband is a promise that I will have a friend forever.” -Unknown
3. Parenting styles
Gosh, we all know we are busy and busy trying to be the best parents we can be that we overlook this topic sometimes, well most times. Yet, we need to find that time to sit and talk about how we will discipline the children the next time something happens, or how we want to educate our kids even what activities we choose as parents for our kids.
Knowing you are on the same page ecspecially when it comes to our kids, makes them see us as a unit. It does not allow them to pick our weaknesses and take advantage of it. Kids know which parent to pick in any circumstance to help them get their way. Save yourself for future teen years and show a united front.
“I think that enduring, committed love between a married couple, along with raising children, is the most noble act anyone can aspire to.” — Nicholas Sparks
Financial stability is the main cause for divorce in this world at this very moment. But, if you have joined your lives then surely you must be able to talk through financials. I am not talking about the dress you bought for R500 and told hubby it was R200 on special! Im talking about talking about finances even if you have seperate accounts because you always need to be aware of your partners debt as it could end up becoming your debt if your something had to happen to that person.
Everyone handles their money in different ways, but knowing what is going on with each other keeps there from being this burden thrown at you unexpectedly one fine morning whilst you think you on the free path. Even if you do not have debts, discuss your weekly spends, financial goals and even a savings account for the both of you to upkeep. Always try to give as much important information open in case there is an emergency.
Look I understand some couples ecspecially the men do not share their financial information. But, to be hinest they need to grow up. If you are spending your life with someone who is suppose to mean something to you. Have some faith in your spouse, then your spouse will have more faith in you. Like I say marriage is a two way street!
“Every relationship goes through a struggle, but only strong relationships get through it.”-Unknown
Faith in Allah, God etc.. strengthens any relationship as our religions guide us and keep our commitment to each other at the top of our list. Relationships also suffer when two people dont share the same beliefs. Sometimes in our marriages we think it will be easy to have two beliefs and some people do manage this and I congratulate them on it. But most times, we see relationships break because they cant agree on certain aspects of their lives and when kid’s get involved there brings bigger problems. Not to mention the families tend to get involved more too which doesnt help anyone either.
Faith is experienced at different levels in everyone lives but having an understanding of one partners beliefs to you own makes you better people, and your bond greater, if we try to see the good and the efforts made by our spouse then this in turn will also allow our relationship to grow in itself. Life is a learning curve and so is religion. Nobody is perfect, so try not to expect perfection in your individual spirituality too.
“Problems should be like speed bumps. You slow down just to get over it, but you don’t let it stop you from heading to your destination. -Sonya Parker
To end it all marriage is not a bed of roses. You will experience up’s and down’s but if you do not have the proper communication, well that makes it much harder to remain a couple. Keep your conversations regular and keep these things and other things you find important too at the forefront. I promise, you will see a difference.