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I would like to first touch slightly on an Islamic viewpoint as I have researched certain topics surrounding this abuse topic. I am of Muslim faith in case you would be interested to know . The one thing that i grew up seeing was the Muslim communities who want to neglect the fact that Islamically even in our Shariah law, Islam forbids us to treat another human being in such a manner. Various communities worldwide have created a stigma of divorce, Islam does not stigmatise divorce. They have created this unrealistic idea that a woman should stay with the man when she is under abuse. WHY? It is not your husband who provided to you in your marriage it is Allah (SWT) and he will continue to provide for the both of you after you part ways. So, if your marriage is so bad and negative should you not just part ways? If it can be done amicably then it is best to part ways than to keep inflicting pain and hardship to one another. In the eyes of the communities the abusers are normally seen as the most kind, the most giving but in the home but they bring fear and are despised from the wife, family members and even the children for the hurt that they bring. Dont be hypocrite. Take your faith and follow it to the best that you can do. We will only answer to one person at the end of this life test.
Allah says in the Quran: “Do not hold onto your wives only to cause them more harm.” And if this is your Ni’ah (intention), you are not doing this Dhulm (oppression) to your wife, you are doing it to yourself.
But please do not think I am targeting only the Muslim communities this as this happens in lots of other religious homes and cultures. But, I do not speak on other religious items that I do not have knowledge on.
Lately on the news there seems to have been spread that there is a spike in gender-based violence since the lockdown has been lifted in South Africa and the allowance of alcohol has been brought back into sale. A hot topic on the news channels of late I must say. The President , Mr Ramaphosa has expressed his distaste towards this vile behaviour. It has aggravated the being inside of me. So, this is also why I decided to share this article with momscaping to share my thoughts. You do not know me, but you may know the ladies who are going through these things, suffering in silence, or trying to get help and not being heard.
We know there are two types of abuse that many women suffer with around the world with, not only in South Africa. It is Physical and Emotional abuse. In the Arabic terminology emotional abuse is called Tukabbih, it is when a man makes his wife feel ugly and negative about herself and demeans her in a nasty manner. Even if you do not physically hit a woman this emotional abuse is also a hard hitter and it is also probably the most common type of abuse currently.
So to the many woman out there, know you are stronger than any person who has caused you the pain of abuse, you have endured this for how many a long time that you may have, this is strength so use this fear to build up your insecurities and independance to get the help you need and get out if nothing changes, this is after you have taken the steps first to sort the issue out internally first. Do not let fear take the joy out of your life. If your partner cannot change then the sad reality is that they will never change, unfortunately these stats are quite low. Belive in yourself and know you are capable of more and feel at peace knowing you are safer.
Another Interesting fact that most cases are caused by alcohol usage in South Africa and possibly worldwide and seemingly during the ban of alcohol sales there seemed to be a drop in severity of the reported cases of domestic violence cases reported in South Africa during level 5 and 4. Although Sober partners still could be abusive and controlling, they may be less inclined to turn to violence and could have stuck to emotional abuse instead. What are your thoughts?
Did you know? Gender-based violence is an inequality to mainly the female gender and it continues to be one of the most notable human rights violations within all societies around the world. I would also like to mention that both women and men experience gender-based violence but most victims are women and girls in their highest numbers.
Facts and figures from UN WOMEN.
Various forms of violence
- It is estimated that 35 per cent of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or sexual violence by a non-partner (not including sexual harassment) at some point in their lives. However, some national studies show that up to 70 per cent of women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime. Evidence shows that women who have experienced physical or sexual intimate partner violence report higher rates of depression, having an abortion and acquiring HIV, compared to women who have not .
- Similar to data from other regions, in all four countries of a multi-country study from the Middle East and North Africa, men who witnessed their fathers using violence against their mothers, and men who experienced some form of violence at home as children, were significantly more likely to report perpetrating intimate partner violence in their adult relationships. For example, in Lebanon the likelihood of perpetrating physical violence was more than three times higher among men who had witnessed their fathers beating their mothers during childhood than those who did not .
People to contact if you or someone you know is experiencing this–
The Gender-Based Violence Command Centre (GBVCC) – operates under The Department of Social Development. The Centre operates a National, 24hr/7days-a-week Call Centre facility. The facility employs social workers who are responsible for call-taking and call referrals. The Centre operates an Emergency Line number – 0800 428 428. This is supported by a USSD, “please call me” facility: *120*7867#. A Skype Line ‘Helpme GBV’ for members of the deaf community also exists. (Add ‘Helpme GBV’ to your Skype contacts). An SMS Based Line 31531 for persons with disabilities (SMS ‘help’ to 31531) also exists. The Centre is able to refer calls directly to SAPS (10111) and field Social Workers who respond to victims of GBV.
Stop Women Abuse – 0800 150 150
Toll-free Legal Aid Advice Line – 0800 110 110 for free legal aid if you who cannot afford one.
SAPS Emergency Services – 10111